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This is going to be a busy time in you and your student's life. Your student will be dealing with lots of conflicting emotions and a range of decisions, big and small. Although moving always brings stress, you will be surprised at how well your student can handle it when you plan ahead and know what to expect.
Some children enjoy their new schools or friends so much that they experience only minor symptoms of stress during a move. Gaining a sense of control over a move can help ease daily stresses. Some good ways to gain control include the following:
- Break tasks down into manageable parts. After taking care of these things, you'll feel freer to pursue more time-consuming activities, like researching school options in your new community.
- Make lists. Write down what you need to do this week, rather than worrying about everything that needs to get done before you move.
- Plan ahead. Avoid last-minute anxiety by organizing as much as you can in advance.
- Prioritize. Rather than trying to do it all, identify and work on what is most important.
- Minimize other stresses. Stress in other areas of your life may compound the effects of relocation stress.
- Take breaks. Unplug the phone, turn off the lights, and enjoy a little quiet time.
- Reach out and try to connect with other people. Researchers have found that being with other people can make you feel less tense or depressed.
- Hold on to your sense of humor. Call a friend to share a joke or unwind after a long day by renting your favorite funny video.
- Take care of yourself. You can't function properly if you're not getting enough rest, exercise, and good nutrition.
Moving With Children
With everything that's going on in your life as you get ready to move, it may be easy to forget that your children are probably excited and worried, too. It's important to pay extra attention to them, listen to them, and help them through the changes, they'll be facing. If your child is a teenager, see also "Moving With Teenagers".
Your 2-year-old may assume that the family pet will be left behind, and may be unhappy for days without saying why. Your 6-year-old may worry that he won't make any friends in his new neighborhood, and may be very sad about leaving his school. Or your older child may be afraid that she won't fit in at her new middle school, and may suddenly become tearful or withdrawn.
You can make the move easier for your children by dealing promptly and thoughtfully with their concerns. Even through you have a lot of other things on your mind, a little time from you at each step of the way can make a big difference in how well your children cope with the move and adjust to their new home. If you let your children know that you see moving as an adventure for the whole family, chances are that they will share your feeling.
Helping Children Prepare For The Move
Once you've told young children about the move, they will still have plenty of questions and concerns. Here are some ides that may help in the weeks before the moving van arrives:
- Recognize that your children may have mixed feelings about the move. Be patient if they're thrilled one minute and sad the next. Your children might find it reassuring to know that you have mixed feelings, too. You might say something like, "I'm really excited about moving into our new house, but I'll miss that apple tree in our backyard."
- If you remember moving as a child, tell your children about it. They may be reassured to konw that you went through the same emotions when you were their age, and that you eventually made new friends and liked your new home. Or if this is the first big move for you, share that with them, too. You could say, "This is scary for me, too. I've never lived anywhere else but here. We can explore our new neighborhood together!"
- Expect some changes in behavior. During a move it's normal for children to become fussy or moody. Younger children may "unlearn" their toilet training for a few weeks or "forget" other skills. Older children may slip in their performance at school. Try to see these lapses as signals of your child's worries and be as helpful as you can. Things will probably straighten out soon after you are settled in your new home.
- Start a scrapbook. Putting together a scrapbook can help your children feel part of the activity of a move. It can also help them sort through what's coming and what they're leaving behind. You might help a younger child paste in pictures from brochures or sections from maps of the new community. An older child might fill the scrapbook with pictures or notes from friends, postcards, or clippings from a newspaper.
- Encourage school-age children to keep a journal. Some children find it easier to write about their feelings in a diary than to talk about them. Keeping a journal can help and older child sort through her confused feelings about a move or record her memories of her friends. If your child likes to draw, you might give her a book with blank pages so she can draw pictures of her old or new community.
- Give your children some control over the move. Ask them for their ideas about the decisions you have to make. They'll feel better if they are part of what's going on and know that you are interested in their views. Encourage them to make decisions about which of their possessions to keep and which to discard or give away.
- Ask your children for help with the move. Letting your children help with the practical aspects of the move will give them a better sense of what's happening. Older children may enjoy some special tasks: the family historian to keep a journal of the move; the photographer to record the before, during, and after; the chef to make snacks for the trip.
- If you'll be moving during the summer, plan for what your children will do before school starts. Find out if there are day camps, community recreation programs, or summer sports leagues, and register ahead of time. Plan some fun family activities, too. These will help your children enjoy their new community while they are waiting to make new friends.
Moving With Teenagers
Teenagers tend to resist the idea of moving, because they are struggling to gain some independence from their families, and their friendships are becoming more mportant. At this vulnerable time of life, it can be wrenching to separate from friends, especially for a teenager who is just starting to feel socially self-confident. Helping your teenager cope with a move and adjust to a new home can take a lot of patience and flexibility. But the effort is worth it. If you can help your teenager deal successfully with a move, he will have taken an important step toward feeling confident and proud of his ability to handle the many transition that will be part of his adult life.
- Talk with your teenager about your plans. Explain when, where, and why you are moving. By letting your teenager know what's going on, you can help her keep her worries in perspective. No matter how she feels about the move, it's better for her to hear about it directly from you than from overheard conversations.
- Involve your teenager in decisions, if possible. You may not have much control over when you move or where you will live. But if you have some flexibility with other decisions, ask for your teenager's ideas about things and try to accommodate his needs. Be clear about what he can and can't decide.
- Give your teenager plenty of time to adjust Try to let her know at least two to three months in advance that you'll be moving. This will give her time to adjust to the idea of the move and will give the two of your time to work together to plan a going-away party and other events that can make the transition easier.
- Focus on the good things about the move, but be realistic. Your teenager will pick up on your feeling about the move. If you're unhappy about the move, he probably will be, too. If you're excited, he probably will share your enthusiasm. Don't promise your teenager that he will love everything about his new home or make lots of new friends right away. Let him know that it may take a while to feel comfortable, but that you will be there to support him.
- Be flexible. Try to work out a way for your teenager to attend a school or community event that matters a lot to her.
- Contact your teenager's new school. You will need to register your teenager, and you may be required to send medical forms and other information. Collect information on the curriculum, sports teams, extracurricular activities, or anything else that might help your teenager feel less nervous and more confident about starting a new school.
- Encourage your teen to say goodbye to their favorite people. These might include friends, teachers, librarians, neighbors, coaches, doctors, and other community members. Help teens plan ways to stay in touch with people they like.
- Take a walk around your neighborhood Gather the family together and take a walk around the neighborhood. Look back on the happy times you've had there and talk about what it will be like to leave. Talk about some of the exciting things about your new neighborhood, too. This will help your teen acknowledge their sense of loss while they also look forward to the adventure of discovering a new community.
- Be aware that your teenager may protest. It's normal for teenagers to feel sad about, and even strongly resist, leaving their friends and school. Your teenager might become rebellious and seem to be trying to sabotage the move -- for example, by refusing to clean his room before your house or apartment is shown. This kind of behavior may be your teenager's way of showing his sadness and confusion. Try to acknowledge his pain without condoning behavior that may hurt the family.
- Talk about your own feelings about the move. Let your teenager know that you have some mixed feelings, too. She might feel reassured to know that you're sad that you'll miss a co-worker's retirement party or your next-door neighbor's annual Fourth of July barbecue. Talking about a difficult move during your own childhood can be an especially good way to get a teenager to talk about her feelings.
- Encourage your teenager to say goodbye to the people and places that have been important in his life. Saying goodbye is an important way to gain control over feelings of loss. Saying goodbye can also hep to boost your teenager's self-esteem by giving friends and teachers a chance to tell him how much he has meant to them.
- Plan a going-away party with your teenager You can help by giving a going-away party that will make moving more fun and set the stage for staying in touch.
- Remember that it will take time for your teenager to adjust after the move. It's normal for teenagers to seem slightly withdrawn, unhappy, or moody at first, even to have spells of unhappiness months after the move. Your teenager may be nostalgic for his old home or neighborhood or say things like, "I'll never like living in this town." This is a normal part of the adjustments process. If you can see such behavior in that light and not as a criticism of the move, you'll be better able to provide the support your teenager needs.
It's natural for a teenager to feel sad about leaving friends and classmates. That's why it's important for you to offer support, encouragement, and reassurance to your teenager before, during and after the move.
Acknowledgments
Articles on this page were taken from " Moving -- A Step-By-Step Guide ". Available on Army One Source , by the Ceridian Corporation.
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